Tuff Turf

so last night I dreamt that  I was in a turf war... i woke with two main things in mind....
the first thing was that I do not do well with weapons... I am one of those people who will use anything as a weapon except for a weapon itself. I have been known to try to kill bugs with hair spray, glass cleaner and at the lakehouse I have even used sunscreen. My strategy is to immobilize the bug, then try to squish it with something else handy. I try my best not to kill ladybugs because for some reason I feel it is bad luck, but I also believe that if you swallow one, you will die so I cannot just leave one in my house. Don't know where I heard that, but I did hear it and I believe it. Deep down I don't think I believe that it would actually kill me, but I don't want to chance it. So if a ladybug happens to get in my house, I hunt the thing down until I can catch it and release it back into the "wild" This technique does not apply to any other bug that happens upon my house. I will spend 45 minutes if I have to, to kill a fly who has dared to fly in. The children's book, When the Fly Flew In- would read something like "When the fly flew in, he flew around only to meet the back end of last week's In Touch magazine" Back to the topic of weapons though, I think I would do much better hitting a person with a gun as opposed to shooting one. A few years back, I was shooting at simple targets with a bb gun and could not for the life of me hit anything. After much cursing, I realized I was closing my aiming eye instead of the other one. By no means am I saying I am a wuss. I will defend anything that is mine to defend but expect to be hit with a book, spatula or can of spray starch before I pull a true weapon. If nothing like that is handy,  prepare for my fists, aka thunder and lightning. I have not been in many fights but those I have been in have been quite entertaining to say the least.
The second thing this dream brought to mind was at no point in my dream did I start walking with my gang whilst snapping my fingers in a downward motion. This is very upsetting to me. I would like to think that even in my subconscious I am aware of my amazing dancing ability. I would think that people would immediately appear at my sides with a nice little dance number to break up the violence. If I got to choose my "fight entrance" theme music, it would be the opening chords of The Final Countdown by Europe. Duh nuh nuh na duh nananuh Duh nuh nuh na Duh nananuh. Yeah that would be pretty awesome. Now I also think that depending on the setting, Fame by Irene Cara would be a good fight sequence song, because you ain't seen the best of me yet and also how intimidating would it be to hear REMEMBER MY NAME I'M GONNA LIVE FOREVER whilst going up against me in a dance fight?

A Birthday Ditty for Sam- i think you know the tune

Yo SCK - let's kick it

All right stop collaborate and listen
Ashley's back with a brand new invention
Samantha's b-day is coming up real fast
and we all know it's gonna be a true blast
keep it down now cause the voices they carry
If its a long car ride keep me away from dairy
To the extreme I rock the chalk like colonel ludlow
Look at my pics and let's go find waldo
Waiter-can you split this tab three ways
It's only 3 bucks it don't matter who pays
Deadly when you eat that sushi roll
there's an Explosion in your mouth hole
Love it or leave it you better get with it
You better hit bull's eye the rara don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while DJ Bud revolves it

hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha

Now that the party is jumping
Christopher Walken comes in and is ready to go huntin
Quick to the point to the point no faking
We're looking for treasure at the bottom of the lake'n
Squealing -if you ain't quick and ready
I may boop if i see a water yeti
Got a sombrero with souped water shoes
I'm on a roll and got 3 noodles to use

hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha
hap hap happy birthday
Sam-antha

When I Was Little

-I met a real life giant. I was in elementary school and a friend of the family took me over to his house. He lived in a trailer and was very very tall. I don't remember his name or anything else about him.
-I named all of my animals Blackie. I had rabbits and kittens named Blackie. I don't know if anyone really knows exactly how many Blackies we actually had.
-I was distraught when Wendy's got rid of their chicken nuggets. That was a dark time, but now that they are back, they are not even that good.
-I couldn't say the word animal. I said aminal.
-My sister and I had a fort and wait for it.... it was called WoodDreams.
-Allyson scarred me for life because we would have dress up dances in the den and I walked in and said "can I dance" and she said "I don't know, can you?" It cut me deep cause I could in fact dance.
-My first concert was Bon Jovi, the Slippery when Wet tour. Dad took me and Allyson and the guy sitting next to dad yelled Bad Medicine at the start of every song.
-I begged old ladies at the grocery store to buy me chocolate
-I guessed within like 10 skittles, how many skittles were in this jar at the school fair. I went all mathematical equation on the thing and won the jar of skittles. That was also the last time I was ever good at math.
-I choked on Tart n Tinys on the way home from school one day. It scared me, I got hot.
-There was a crooked house on the way to school that scared me....not the house so much as the crooked man that supposedly lived inside.

three words

there are three words I long to hear
these three words I do hold dear
i say them often and think them more
i've even heard them on the dancefloor
i cannot explain these words of three
and how i feel when they are said to me
for reasons unknown at this time
you have yet to even pantomime
it's amazing to hear them said aloud
whether said alone or in a crowd
to hold them in would be a lie
there is no need to feel shy
these words are so simple to say
i would never lead you astray
they make me smile and make me happy
i say them myself when i'm feeling crappy
just three words is all it takes
saying them would raise the stakes
we have known each other for a while
in my shoes you have walked a mile
you don't have to say them directly to me
spread the word, over coffee or tea
say them to anyone, where ever they're from
those three words..Ashley is awesome.