Liberty and giggles for all

I am a little scared of horses. They are so dang big... and there was an incident involving Liberty, a horse from Next to Heaven Ranch in TN.

A few years back a group of friends and I went to Townsend, TN for a weekend. We were going to go tubing but it was a little chilly for that, so someone had the big idea to go horseback riding... and I will go ahead and be forthcoming in saying that the someone was me.

So we all get our horses and start this unguided trail ride- first off Liberty was pretty good.. until we got out of earshot of the ranch owners. Then he decided that he was not meant to be a trail horse. If he would have had hubs, I would have had to lock them in. At one point, we were in the woods and there was an actual tree in between my leg and the saddle. Meanwhile, I am freaking out and Pocket's horse was so far up Liberty's junk bucket that I thought we were going to have to get them a room. After what seemed like 5 hours, we start the descent and I have to actually pick leaves and twigs out of my hair. So we come up single file to the platform in which to dismount, I am so happy to get off this horse. Everybody is doing so good! My turn changes everything.... I go to dismount and the underwire of my bra gets caught on the saddlehorn, so I am literally hanging on this horse by my bra. Yes, my feet were dangling about 3 inches over the platform... and I am stuck. Just in case I wasn't already traumatized enough, the ranchhand sticks his hand up my shirt and frees me from the confines of the bra/saddlehorn combo.

if you want to sing out, sing out

2 bands today -
Jamestown Revival- The Knives & Pipes So this group is hard to define by genre- so I am going to make up one Americana Blues. that may already exist and if so I apologize to those other Americana Blues bands... anywho, my favorite is "The Revival" with "Beat on Down" coming in a close second. I would say you are probably going to hear quite a bit from this duo, hopefully.
Matt the Electrician - this guy is awesome. My faves are the cover of  "Faithfully" and "Got Your Back" His amazing voice and instrument combo are well worth a listen. He has a live album that was just released in January.

okay so for the old school part of this post- I am going to go with John Prine. I haven't heard a song I didn't like by him, his voice is clearly recognizable and his lyrics are great. As hard as it is to list my faves, I'm gonna try
Dear Abby
Let's Talk Dirty in Hawaiian
In Spite of Ourselves (duet with Iris DeMent)
Illegal Smile
I'd say at least one of his songs is in every playlist on my ipod.

I wonder....

if people who saw Never Say Never wish they would have had said never in regards to seeing the movie.
who came up with jeggings
why chocolate is so much better in the shape of a bunny
why sometimes it seems I forget that I need to pick up my feet when walking and do those little trip stumbles
why I always get caught cube dancing
how it's possible for a person's brake lights to be on when they are speeding up
why my vitamins smell like a bag of wet ass
why it is so funny when I see people fall down, but not really funny when people see me fall
why I often accidentally wink at people
why is that stuff in a dog bowl
why when I re-enact throwing stuff I use the word Flink
why I re-enact throwing stuff in the first place
if anyone has actually been stranded on a deserted island with the items they picked when asked what they would want with them if stranded on a deserted island
why it is hard to read accents

&

About a year ago at work, I realized that i could not make an Ampersand. Seems really easy but could not do it to save my life. I even printed some out and traced them and they just looked like jacked up "s"es. My friend Marni actually googled the directions for me, a "how to" if you will and I learned- but in the time it took me to make one real good one, I could have written the word and about 100 times. Sitting in my shred box to this day, are little scrap pieces of paper in which I have doodled many ampersands. I used to draw 3d squares whilst on the phone and now I am trying to perfect my wonky ampersand.

Speaking of ampersands, I have mentioned before that I am a fan of pretty much all music. I don't think there is anyone out there that has never messed up a lyric or two....

But when I hear Ram Jam's "Black Betty"- I sing it as so.... Whoa Black Betty (Ampersand),  Whoa Black Betty (Ampersand) Black Betty had a child (Ampersand) the damn thing gone wild (Ampersand) and so on

Other lyrics I have jacked up

Rolling Stones "Beast of Burden" I'll never be your big suburban, I've walked for miles, my feet are hurtin

Creedence Clearwater Revival "Bad Moon Rising" Don't go round tonight, well it's bound to take your life. There's a bathroom on the right.

Paula Abdul "Straight up" Straight up now tell me, do you really want love to eat for breakfast

I also went through a stage where I thought Bruce Springsteen sang a bunch of songs that he definitely did not, On the dark Side, I'm No Angel.....

gimme a beat

so if you know me you know that I am pretty obsessed with music. I can make a mean mix tape.
I figured I would try to let you know some bands to check out.
New Band for the Week
Middle Brother - self titled album- this band has guys from Deer Tick, Dawes and Delta Spirit. The track Me, Me, Me is getting alot of play- but I think the key track is Portland. I dare you to listen to that song and not at least tap your foot. Another good one is Daydreaming - it is more mellow but still awesome. I say if you have 2 bucks, go download Portland and Daydreaming- it should make you happy.
I can't mention a new band without mentioning an old one -
I am pretty obsessed with Talking Heads right now, I have to give you three tracks
Take Me to The River (awesome cover)
Psycho Killer - tip don't get the one off the Stop Making Sense album-  pull it from their album Talking 77, it is a better version
This Must Be the Place
Another good one but more well known is Once in a Lifetime but I have trouble hearing it and not picture Nick Nolte eating dog food in Down and Out in Beverly Hills-there's a good 80's throwback for you.

Work Etiquette

I think there are some rules that should be a given at work... I work in a very big building with quite a few people but not all of us think in the same terms when it comes to etiquette. For instance, if you have microwaves at work, please don't burn your damn popcorn. Seriously guys, who can't count pops? The stank of burnt popcorn lingers for hours. In other food related rules, leave the fish at home. Nothing makes the afternoon go by slower than feeling like the stink of some fool's lunch has attached itself to your clothes. The only way I want to taste food is by eating it, not by breathing it.

I know you are probably trying to be polite but if I am more than 10 steps behind you, don't hold the door for me. It makes me feel like I have to walk fast to catch up and I have short legs and don't want to walk any faster.

Read your emails before sending them out, please please know that we do not have a meeting "on tomorrow, on yesterday or on today"
Watch the double negatives - I didn't get no email from you. You will continue to not get any emails from me because your grammar makes me want to brickface you.

And of course there is your and you're confusion. I don't think I can justify having to explain this rule.

Losers Say What

yeah I will get you with this one when you least expect it



getting to know me, getting to know all about me

Birds scare the bejesus out of me
I don't understand Chicken and Waffles
I sing so loud in my car, I get lightheaded
I cannot touch terra cotta
I once won a animal sound off contest, winning sound "monkey"
I penned the word "evidentially"
I like to check my knee reflexes, using anything handy- cell phone, remote, hammer
I don't like for my pillowcases to match my sheets
I am thinking of a number, it is eight.
I cannot say the word reasonably outloud
I always have a harmonica in my purse even though I don't know how to play
I love to rewrite song lyrics and they are pretty awesome, try me.

damn vultures

So I mentioned my quirks which I guess will be the a recurring theme on this blog... I have been in SC for about 10 years or so and lately I have been noticing turkey vultures, which to a normal person wouldn't be a big deal but they straight up make me dry heave. I can be driving along and there will be a "sleeping" deer and a slew of turkey vultures. It doesn't matter how many times i see them I just start dry heaving and because I never do anything half assed, I will continue to heave until I get to my destination or something else distracts me (which is hopefully not more vultures because there is probably no coming back from that)
once when I was leaving my sister's house one flew by my car and i swear it had a limp cat. It landed on a neighbors house and I'm not going to lie, everytime I pass that house I see that turkey vulture staring at me with his eyes.

ick red head vulture

i heave on my drive to work

you leave for long time