Cafeteria Rap Battle

Picture it - school cafeteria, the food has formed a circle and have started a classic rap battle..
this is how it went down.

Yo. I'm gonna start cause I think I'm the best
You other shit lunches cannot contest
I bring kids to the table at lunch
when they bite my gristle it goes crunch.
Everybody raise your hands for lunch break
Look at me son, I'm the Salisbury steak.

Nah Nah don't think you can win that easy,
I'm perfectly shaped and oh so cheesy.
The lunch tray is made specifically for me
Don't hate on me ya'll just let it be.
Everybody's in line, everybody's playing nice
Just for a chance at a rectangle pizza slice.

Hey now- it ain't over til I say it's done
People like me cause my name is fun.
I didn't show up to play no games
My breaded exterior can withstand flames.
Yeah you know my ass is braggin'
I got reason, I'm the dang Chuck wagon.

When it come to lunch, we're the Mercedes Benz
We're so good, you won't share with friends
There's never just one, we come in a gang.
We sidestep other foods like it ain't no thang.
We're so tasty that we're finger lickin'
That's right fool, we're nuggets made of chicken.

Wait a second, hooka stop talkin smack.
One bite of me is lunchtime crack.
You ask me if I think I have the goods?
I ask you does a bear shit in the woods?
You think you're better but I say no
Bump that noise, I'm the Sloppy Joe.

Move back ya'll and let me in this battle
Don't you worry, my nerves won't rattle.
I may come from home but that don't matter
that just keeps my wallet effing fatter.
I got the moves just like Gene Kelly
Step off fool, I'm Peanut Butter and Jelly.

I may look suspect but I keep you fed
That's what gives me awesome street cred.
I could be bologna, sausage or ham.
I don't think anyone really gives a damn.
Alls I know is I smell like feet
Check me out, I'm Mystery Meat.

Save the best for last is what I say.
Some wish I was served every damn day.
Although my sauce may be chunky
I still get down and get funky.
My pager going crazy from all these calls,
Say it player, I'm Spaghetti and Meatballs.


It was intense.

The Reveal

Here lately I had the feeling that my parents were keeping something from me, so when they sat me down for a serious talk, I got real nervous. Of course, mom opens the conversation.
"Ben, you are turning 18 in three days and it is time your father and I told you something"
I could tell that she was hesitant and didn't really want to be having this conversation. My mind immediately went to what I figured would be the worst thing they would want to talk about.
"Oh crapsticks, seriously? Is this the sex talk? No no no.. we do not need to have this talk."
Dad stood up and said "Son, this is more serious than that and we cannot put it off any longer. I guess I will start at the beginning. About 100 years ago, your great grandfather ticked off the wrong woman. I am not sure what he did but whatever it was, she didn't take kindly to it. Now this woman dabbled in magic and she put a curse on the males to come of our family. The curse begins on your 18th birthday. The good thing is that there are ways to end the curse but unfortunately we have been unsuccessful in our efforts, which is why we are telling you now."
I was really freaking out. "Dad, what's going on? You are worrying me."
He took his handkerchief and wiped his forehead and said "There is no easy way to say this, we are shifters."
"No way, like were-wolves? That's awesome!" I couldn't believe they were making this out to be so bad.
"No Ben. We are not were-wolves. We shift into something much different. It is still the same concept in that we shift on full moons and when our heartrate gets too high but we are definitely not were-wolves. We are were-taters."
I passed out.